Linda (not her real
name) is considering suicide. After being
unemployed for over a year, and having applied to more jobs than she can
remember, she finally had a real chance for a job.
She anxiously waited for
three weeks while the company screened more candidates and tried not to get her
hopes up. Something that’s easier said
than done. On the one hand she knew that
an interview didn’t promise a job, but the interview had gone so well and she
was perfect for the job.
This morning she found
out that the company has hired someone else and through dumb luck she found out
who had beaten her … a 25 year old woman (Amanda)
with 3 kids, all under 5 years old.
Linda doesn’t have the
will to carry on anymore. It’s bad
enough to lose out on a job, but to a woman with three young kids!
Of course, the
organization who hired Amanda has no idea of her family situation. After all, asking a job candidate how old she
is, whether or not she’s married, if she has any children and their ages is against the law.
The organization is
about to find out though, when the kids get sick and Amanda needs time off. It’s bad enough when one get measles, chicken
pocks or another child’s disease, but in this case it’s times three. Not to mention a number of other things that
can go wrong with a child that age.
Linda on the other hand
is a 59 year old woman with no family ties.
She has no kids who will keep her awake at night, get sick or have
accidents at the playground. She will
show up for work on time, every time and the word “time off” is not in her
vocabulary.
Is it wrong for Linda to
consider packing it in and leaving this world?
Maybe, maybe not. It sure would
send a message to all those stupid employers who see a pretty girl and hire
her, regardless of her qualifications, experience and family situation and
throw a perfectly qualified older candidate to the curb.
You say it would 'sure' send a message to all those stupid employers.... like a kid "I'll show them and they'll feel bad if I run away or kill myself'. Not one of them will even care if she does herself in, let alone take a message from it. They DON'T care if she's alive or dead, and with her attitude toward children, there probably aren't many who do. These times are tough for everyone, and for older women especially, who are living in their cars in record numbers. What will accomplish far more for Linda is to change her thinking. A skilled woman can begin doing something with a skill as a resale or a independent contractor service, and through that not only give herself an income but perhaps her skills and personalities will catch someone's attention and give her a job. She is too valuable to waste herself for nothing, and she'll die soon enough anyway, but in the meantime she can do SOMETHING.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that employers won't care if Linda is dead or alive M, but maybe agencies will. They too play with people's feelings, posting jobs that don't exist, bringing people in just to have candidates on their book. But may, jut maybe, someone WILL take notice.
DeleteI do agree with Linda though where children are concerned ... how can a woman with three kids function in the workplace? She's constantly going to have to take time off when they're sick or something.
Amanda has a husband who makes a ton of money, and they both come from money, so she doesn't really have to work. If anything, she takes money away from people who do need the job.
I can understand that women with one child need to work, with two maybe, but once they have three ... no, you can't have your cake and eat it too. If you want to work as a woman, then don't have so many kids.
As for Linda doing independent contract work ... good idea, but doing what? She's an admin assistant, with no other skills.
You say it would 'sure' send a message to all those stupid employers.... like a kid "I'll show them and they'll feel bad if I run away or kill myself'. Not one of them will even care if she does herself in, let alone take a message from it. They DON'T care if she's alive or dead, and with her attitude toward children, there probably aren't many who do. These times are tough for everyone, and for older women especially, who are living in their cars in record numbers. What will accomplish far more for Linda is to change her thinking. A skilled woman can begin doing something with a skill as a resale or a independent contractor service, and through that not only give herself an income but perhaps her skills and personalities will catch someone's attention and give her a job. She is too valuable to waste herself for nothing, and she'll die soon enough anyway, but in the meantime she can do SOMETHING.
ReplyDeleteWhere is this woman's dignity? Older women are living in their cars in record numbers. Her childish attitude 'I'll show them' is preposterous. Employers don't care if she's alive or dead, and with her attitude toward children, there probably aren't many who do.
ReplyDeleteEVERYTHING has changed, and the loyalty of employers and the things they value have been changing for years now, this can't be any surprise to a woman her age. Perhaps when she heard others saying 'ageism' she didn't believe it would ever apply to her, but she doesn't get out of it like all the rest of us do not.
A skilled older woman needs to change her thinking in this time of huge social change. Use her skills to pull herself up by her boot straps and create useful or attractive products, or perform a useful service on a independent basis. It is entirely possible that not only will her attitude improve, someone might notice what is fantastic about her and give her a job or a contract, and hopefully she will find her dignity that is so beautiful about older folks.
I think this is the universe's challenge for her to finally grow up before its too late. She'll die soon enough. She can do it with dignity or as a juvenile. Perhaps, though, she can use what time she does have remaining to leave a real mark on SOMEONE.
While I do not have Linda's issues, I feel the same about all the doctors who have turned me away or talked down to me and send me home in tears.
ReplyDeleteSome days I wish I was diagnosed with a deadly illness, just so I could tell them: I told you so, it was not in my head. Also, if I could tell people I had cancer or whatever, then maybe I could get on one of those TV shows or whatever and milk the system and people for sympathy.
However, I do realize these are dark, irrational thoughts and that now my life is pretty darn good, and that along the way I had awesome friends who pulled me away from the dark and I can't let them down by giving up now.
Also, my rational self tells me that the doctors and all involved who caused me so much suffering still would not care, and most likely never get the message in the first place.
I am sure Linda did a lot of good for other people in her lifetime, and they remember that and would hate to see her take this way. It also makes me upset that deserving people don't seem to get what they deserve, but then again, who am I to judge?
If I was in a position to do anything, I'd hire Linda in a heartbeat.
Alex, thanks for reading and responding. I'll send you a private message.
ReplyDeleteWOW!!! I certainly hope that the thought of suicide is mainly for a catchy title. It certainly received my attention, but to read it was quite disturbing.
ReplyDeleteSomeone who is 59 years old is seriously considering killing themselves because of an interview??? That is the lowest, worse thing that has ever happened to them in life where they can not go on any longer???
It sounds like her pride was hurt along with depression of being jobless and even maybe resentful that she could not have kids in life. I am assuming since she sounds cold towards kids and I could not imagine any mother to be so cold.
I am a mother of three children and I have excelled in every place of employment I have worked. Then when I moved I found myself in "Linda's" same position. Except then I was a single mother of two children with a mortgage.
Not once did I ever.. Let me repeat EVER consider SUICIDE!!! No instead I worked hard to survive and found out that through selling on Ebay, making videos on Youtube, Scrapping and any ethical way to make money from home I would never have to work for another company in my life.
In fact, four and a half years later I find myself still alive happily working for myself with a mortgage, three cars and a 730 plus credit score. ALL while having another baby, getting married to my husband who is self employed with me and my 3 kids get sick!!
I personally would prefer to hear that a woman with 3 kids is not jobless over a woman who does not have 3 kids. As far as the company is concerned: The company will not even notice her death unless the press some how linked the two together.
Now with all that said I do realize that many people handle all situation differently and my heart does go out to "Linda" cause I do know the struggle and fear that comes with her position. I just pray that she realizes life is a gift and is precious regardless of what you have or get in it.
It is all about the journey and not the destination in life. The struggles, the tears, the laughs, the smiles all make up our now. When one door closes another will open and always does. '...and this to shall pass.' When my door shut it opened an entire new life and I would not change it for one second!
Sometimes in life we need a shove in a different direction. Okay I have went on and on... With one last note: Happiness is not a destination and life is a CHOICE!
Hi. I just received an email notice about this post. I don't think I know the author (though I'm assuming we both write at some of the same places), and I don't know if this is real, fiction, fantasy or what.
ReplyDeleteA few weeks ago I ran into someone (who I didn't know) who was suicidal, and since then, I've been thinking about what -- if anything -- I could have said that might have been helpful. And now the situation is presenting itself to me again. I attempted suicide when I was a teenager (which was a long time ago -- I'm close to Linda's age), and, at times, have had suicidal impulses or thoughts (never again acted upon) as an adult when under extreme stress (I don't deal well with change). But now, I feel that I've moved far away from the brink and don't think I will be going back that way again.
So what I wonder is there anything I learned in my journey towards and away from suicide that might be useful to someone else? It seems like there should be, but it's hard. This is the problem I've been chewing on for the last few weeks, when I ran into someone with a similar story and felt I didn't know what to say.
So, for now, just some random things that I've learned through the years that have helped me along the way:
-- Life is a journey. I totally agree with Step1 above.
-- Never, never compare yourself to anyone else. That's a surefire way to make yourself miserable.
-- Life sucks. This is paradoxical. Accepting the idea that life sucks sounds like it would be depressing, but it's actually liberating. If you believe that life, at times, inevitably sucks, then it's not your fault when it is, in fact, sucky. You don't have to beat yourself up for not having a suck-free life all the time. While much suffering is unavoidable, beating yourself up because you are not happy all the time is OPTIONAL misery. You don't HAVE to do it.
-- You exist on many dimensions -- physical, mental, emotional, spiritual (if you believe in that), social, and financial. If something goes wrong in one dimension (in this case, financial), there are still other aspects of your life. Your whole life is not over. Even if you seemed to have nothing in any dimension -- if you had no money AND you had no friends or family AND you were paralyzed and in constant physical pain, etc. -- at least your neurons would still be still firing, your cells would still be taking molecules from food and from those creating energy, the sun would still peek through your windows sometimes, and beauty would still exist in the world. It's kind of a miracle that all of these things are happening, and would you really want to destory it just to prove a point (to someone who is not even going to care)?
Age discrimination in hiring exists. It sucks. I don't have an easy answer. But life is so much more than that. Murder -- and that's what suicide is -- it's murder of the self -- can't be the best answer.
May you are quite right, suicide is NOT the answer, but in some cases people like Linda feel like giving up. Since has been unemployed for close to a year, has no unemployment benefits and slowly but surely is burning through her savings. Meanwhile women who don't really need to work, but who look pretty and need money for designer clothes and shoes, are hired practically on the spot. People of a certain age are no longer wanted.
DeleteIt's enough for anyone to start thinking of giving up.
Thanks for commenting though.
Sometimes if you feel that you (general you, not you personally) want to give up, you should give up. NOT your whole life -- but whatever it is that you have been trying to do, over and over again, without success. Maybe the suicidal thoughts are a sign that you need to try a different approach. Maybe you've been looking at your problem in too narrow a way and there may be other ways to become solvent.
ReplyDeleteHating pretty women is pointless -- it won't increase your income and it will just make you miserable. The hate you put out will rebound back to you. And (in my opinion) the pretty women are not to blame anyway. If you have to blame someone, look at the economic system where there are not enough good jobs as there used to be -- and where there are not enough to sustain a middle class.
Try something different -- knowing that it may not necessarily work, but that it may. Try beefing up your LinkedIn profile, go to networking events (live, if possible, or virtual, if not), think hard about new ways to use old skills. (I really need to take my own advice here, LOL!)
It's too late for me to go into a different direction May. You know as well as I do that for everything one needs experience. I am, however, planning on writing about the injustices that happen in the workplace.
DeleteStrangely enough, I just heard a a couple of days ago from someone I know who got a job where she had no work experience and no education -- she just had a talent -- and a mutual friend (of hers and of the person who hired her) knew there was an opening and recommended her for the job.
DeleteTrue, that's probably a fluke, but it does show it's not impossible. Anyway, it looks like I responded to a false alarm -- this doesn't seem to be about suicide after all -- so I got alarmed about nothing -- and I'm sorry if I intruded.
Don't apologize May, your intentions were good.
DeleteAs for your friend who got a job ... congratulations to her. You said the magic word there though ... she knew someone who knew someone. Having connections makes all the difference.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletePerhaps she needs to dust off her resume, put on her boots, and get going, and perhaps update old-fashioned skills. Giving up is clearly not the answer.
ReplyDeleteThe young woman with kids also needs the job and most likely has more modern, relevant qualifications. It's tough out there, and will get tougher as time goes on. Blaming others for not being hired isn't productive. Perhaps there's a lot more to this "choice of candidate" than we can see.
There's nothing wrong with Linda's skills, Raymond. In fact, she has thought those young puppets a thing or two. More relevant experience indeed.
DeleteYou say that young women with kids need jobs too. Yeah sure, and then they pay $300 per kid to childcare. Or worse, dump them on the parents. Here mom, you look after junior.
I let my son know in no uncertain terms that, if he and his wife ever have kids, they will have to raise them. I am not prepared to look after them. I raised my kids, I'm done with that part.
And by the way, it happened already ... four days into the job, the woman who was hired needed time off because her baby had a runny nose.
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